Seventeen Good Years in Egypt: Jacob, Joseph, and the ‘Inside Job’ of Authentic Joy

This weeks Torah portion takes us by surprise in its refreshing take on Joy. Jacob, we are informed; enjoys the happiest years of his life—WHEN? At its very end; during the seventeen years he spent living in Egypt. Hence the opening word of the Portion, "Vayechi" and he lived, is interpreted to mean that FINALLY he discovers HOW to live (BTW, The commentators point out that hebrew word Tov; loosely translated as "good" or "goodness" is numerically

equivalent to the number 17.)

In doing so he leaves his children with the tools of mindfulness necessary to take on all the conventional assumptions about the possibility of experiencing true joy only in youth.

The power of this story is the distinction it draws between the limited time restrictions of our “younger years” and the unlimited timeless capacity to embrace a mindset of “youthfulness” at any age.

In doing so he takes the question of Joy beyond the “WHEN” of it to the “HOW” of it.

This final Jacob story asks us to move beyond the paralysing mentality of “IF ONLY” that outsources our capacity for joy by conditioning our capacity for happiness into the hands of a certain time, a hoped for outcome, a particular place, or a person, we have essentially conceded to the voices in our heads that preach the gospel of our overall unworthiness, our ineligibility to receive unconditional love and experience true and deep joy.

When we learn to stop subcontracting our basic emotional needs, of a systemically disappointing outside factor; be it a an elusive "whomever," "whatever," or a "wherever," we are essentially replacing that voice with one that sees us as worthy, and eligible for love and cherishment that is outside the jurisdiction of the above mentioned three big W'z.

Jacobs surprising surge of Geriatric Happiness is not surprising. A lifetime spent searching for approval from his father, coupled with an ongoing need for validation from his brother, reinforced his core belief that happiness comes from the outside. Taken by force, cunning, and guile. This in turn attracts him

to the twisted dynamics of his father in law Laban who reinforces his unworthiness to marry the one he loves ...." you're not quite ready yet ... work another seven years and then get back to me..."

Losing his beloved son Joseph was devastating. In losing him so tragically he lost the chance to dramatically lost the chance to "lose him" in healthier ways.

True parental “maturity” happens when we can distinguish between “letting go of our children” and “losing” them.

Still his ultimate happiness at the end, might never have become possible had the “loss” of Joseph never happened. Once it did however it opened up the door to addressing a core cycle of toxic codependency that was deeply rooted in Jacob, AND his children.

The loss was a painful but necessary step in breaking a devastating pattern of codepenancy in Jacob as well as the Narcissistic grandiosity it spawned/tolerated in Joseph.

His Joy in being reunited was a milestone in their respective recoveries. For Jacob it highlighted his capacity to love Joseph for who he was; not for the void he no longer needed to fill. For Joseph, his former unhealthy and unearned sense of superiority, was replaced by a healthy sense of self characterized by a leadership style built on excellence—harnessed to his higher power and his genuine desire to help others and be a potent force for social change.

By taking his capacity to experience joy "indoors" he modeled the ultimate " inside job" form of happiness that is free to bubble up with a crisp and comforting authenticity, welling up from deep within. Notwithstanding the realization that he was on the last legs of his life. So no, this is not about "the LAST chapter is the best:" it's more about the inner healing we need to undergoe to get to the realization that the CURRENT chapter is and can be the best .....depending on .....nothing!

Much Love

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Yossi